If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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