he puts the penis in happiness.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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