doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
