I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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