he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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