You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
