Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
