wrigley field is MILF paradise
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
