Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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