Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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