I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
