I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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