well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
