Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
