Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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