people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
