do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
