This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
false alarm, still single
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