haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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