I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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