I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
