i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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