He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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