i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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