I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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