life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
