no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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