Having a random hookup so left but love u
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
