i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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