you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
