I feel like abortions should bother me more
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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