I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
home. puking in laundry basket.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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