The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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