She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
