not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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