I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
there was a trapeze. enough said
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
