im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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