Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
