me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
