I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
The feeling are messing with the penis
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
