From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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