:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
