You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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