quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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