I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
