i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
