I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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