You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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