At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
