Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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