i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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