Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Randomize
