The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
