how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
