Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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