he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Can vaginas get frostbite?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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