There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
