i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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