I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
