I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
