her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
