your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
