forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Still dying that you shit outside
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
