Your dad touched me again.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
