If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
