i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
