Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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