Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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