We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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