I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
