Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
