help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
