um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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