Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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