chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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