I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Send help, water and tortillas.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
