grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
