Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Randomize
