i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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