WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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