Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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